20 Years, What?
#thepracticeofcelebrating #therefuge
February 2026, 20 Years ago, bloodied and broken, I left my role as Adult Ministry Pastor at a mega church alongside another pastor who lost his job, too. Then we did what we should have never done–start a new church two months later (I always tell everyone that it’s a terrible idea, take a year or two off, ha!). However, our dreams for what could be and impatience (and a lot of therapy and recovery meetings) is why The Refuge exists today.
April 1st is the date that we use as the official start of The Refuge, so yesterday, 4.1.26 we turned 20, what? 20?
Yesterday morning I headed to the Refuge Cafe–a cornerstone effort of The Refuge community that started 13 years ago and serves as a hopeful hub for people experiencing homelessness and without social safety nets–with some Costco cakes (a fan favorite for 20 years) and a feeling of deep nostalgia. We sang happy birthday and my dear friend, teammate, and another co-founder who’s still kicking it, too, Mike Herzog, and I blew out 2 candles together. When we started, I was a month away from turning 39 and he had just turned 59. Now, two decades later, we’re still here.
And we both always say the same thing–The Refuge is in the best place it’s ever been in 20 years.
We evolved from a wild little innovative church with shared co-pastoring leadership–built on a bunch of people in recovery who loved the 12 steps, the Beatitudes, and a dream for a community that looked so different from what we had experienced in traditional systems–into a wild, innovative, inclusive, community-led non-profit organization with 14+ programs that gathers around shared values, not shared beliefs. Those values–Welcome, Presence, Engagement, Creativity, Transformation, and Celebration–are core practices; every part of our life together somehow include them. For the past chunk of years we’ve centered on being “a hub for healing community, social action, and creative collaboration”, but we know it’s a mouthful and we’re trying to shorten it as we travel into our next decade. It makes me chuckle, though, because we’ve just always had a hard time explaining who we are.
On my way home after our sweet little kick-off birthday month celebration, in the quiet of my car and my first real space of the day, I started to feel a swell of deep emotion arising–20 years. 20 freaking years! 20 years of blood, guts, tears. 20 years of so much vulnerability and practicing. 20 years of trying to step toward my truest true. 20 years of cultivating a counter-cultural community that doesn’t “fit” anywhere. 20 years of the wildest, funniest, most beautiful stories. 20 years of beauty and mess. 20 years of giving and receiving. 20 years of strangers becoming family. Then, an old Switchfoot song came on the radio–Meant to Live. Do you know that one? I listened to it on repeat in the early Refuge days when I was trying to step into my leadership despite resistance.
That’s when I lost it–bawling like a baby at the stoplight, with tears all the way home.
So many memories. So many years of pushing a big rock up hill. So much resistance. So much healing. So much fun. So much hard. So much beautiful. So much learning, practicing, failing, flailing. So much anger that I was finally able to be in a safe enough space to express. So much making space for women and others who have never had a chance to freely lead before. So much awkward. So much awe of the human spirit. So much death. So much life. So much advocacy. So many letters in the gender alphabet. So many stories of healing and transformation.
And most of all, so freaking many amazing people.
20 years of incredibly brave, faithful, vulnerable, creative, fun, neuromagical, dedicated, wild, kind, compassionate people across every strata of life–socioeconomics, faith, politics, gender identities, education, age, and life realities.
People who make the Refuge a refuge.
Who held our family in our deepest loss and never once said a trite spiritual platitude.
Who have not a penny to their name but are lavish with their love, kindness, and care for our community.
Who are healing and practicing and untangling from ugly systems and still believe in what’s possible, together.
Who advocate for equity, justice, and better systems.
Who make cultivate community here every day not because of a job or a role or recognition or anything other than belief in how much we need each other.
Who partner with us and believe in us and support us.
I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here.
My word for 2026 is Honor, and today I let myself feel the magnitude of what an honor it is and has been to be part of cultivating a Refuge for two decades. For what my husband and family have held, too, and how grateful I am for such an incredible partner in all the wild who loves community as much as I do and that my adult children all support The Refuge all these years later because of how we’ve evolved.
Thank you for being part, too, because whether you have been reading for a long time or are brand new here, you’re somehow connected because everything I’ve written or done has been inspired somehow by The Refuge community.
Yeah, this whole year I think I’ll be saying the same thing–20 years, what?
With deep gratitude,
PS: The Refuge website is a good place to learn what we’re doing these days. Plus, here are a few Refuge things you might not know about:
This is the Refuge: An 8-episode limited series podcast. Produced by one of our Refuge Cafe friends, Dr. Decibel, it’s a great way to learn about The Refuge–past and present–with stories from the community around our shared values—over 16 voices!
Our 20 Year Anniversary Celebration is on April 26th if you want to join in!
Support The Refuge: We’ve got our biggest financial goal in 20 years to help strengthen our sustainability as we transition into our next decade. No matter the amount, every bit helps us keep being a refuge.
Lastly, to make a big week even weepier, this Sunday April 5th it is truly an honor to be bringing the message at the 79th Annual Easter Sunrise Service at Red Rocks Amphitheater, one of the most beautiful places in Colorado. Details are here for in-person and also the livestream if you want to join in somehow. Just thinking about it makes me cry again.