Practicing Paradox

New Ways for a New World #8

I am going to start with a few words about this week that I need to say out loud because I haven’t had a chance to yet in writing:

• The National Prayer Breakfast is an utter and complete farce and one more awful reminder of this unholy alliance and how low evangelical and Republican leadership has sunk. The blatant complicity never ceases to amaze me.

• The “oh, just another horrible, awful, terrible racist video about the former president of the United States” rolling in and out of the news cycle is an abusive normalization of racist tropes from the highest office in the land that is sickening, disgusting, and should create consequential actions (but of course, there won’t be any).

• The toll of the ongoing insanity is a lot for everyone to hold and sending every bit of resourcing love I can muster to anyone who needs it.

It also points to this second to last piece in my New Ways for a New World: Life and Faith Beyond Binaries, Boxes, and Borders series, and it’s one of my favorite ones–Practicing Paradox. I have written so many posts about paradox over many years, and a lot of you know I love the & symbol and even have it tattooed on my arm (along with what I call my paradox heart that is a symbol of holding all the contradicting realities when our son died). My first blog post about it was 16 years ago, simply called paradox (when I used to write solely in small letters, ha).

Over all these years, I can unequivocally say embracing the practice of paradoxing has been one of the most healing and forming parts of my faith and personal story.

I’m not sure I could have survived this much grief without it, still have a semblance of faith without it, or lasted this long in the Refuge community without it.

And, friends, there’s a helluva lot of paradox to practice holding right now!

There are so many different takes on paradox, and I like Cambridge’s definition: “A situation or statement that seems impossible or is difficult to understand because it contains two opposite facts or characteristics.” For me, my working translation is simple: two contradicting things existing in the same space at the same time. That can be feelings, experiences, our bodies, other people, our souls, our relationships, our realities. It’s a mix of &’s holding things together. Like right now in the midst of a very bumpy week, I feel stretched & tired & angry & grateful & connected & discombobulated & honored–all at the same time.

Learning to hold all the &’s takes practice.

And it always starts with us.

Father Richard Rohr’s wisdom has expanded in my heart, soul, and practice since I first read his work. He says this: “A paradox is something that appears to be a contradiction, but from another perspective is not a contradiction at all. You and I are living paradoxes, and therefore must be prepared to see ourselves in all our reality. If you can hold and forgive the contradictions within yourself, you can normally do it everywhere else too.”

I remember what life was like when I was trying to squeeze out every contradiction in my life. It created such a split inside of me, disembodiment, and disconnection. Anger couldn’t live with being “good”, faith couldn’t live with doubt, and I couldn’t live with all the conflicting parts of me within myself. The biggest part of my healing work has been learning to honor and accept my paradoxical self–filled with all kinds of contradictions but in a body and soul that is actually made for it despite what I was previously taught.

Dismantling binaries and practicing paradox might seem too similar, but breaking down binaries is about deconstructing limited either/ors and embracing more of a spectrum while practicing paradox is actively developing a way of living, moving, and showing up in the blaring and brutal contradictions in this world that’s healthier, more integrated, and sustainable.

To do this we’ll have to untangle from the false teachings many of us have received in families, the media, and church that make us doubt it (and goodness gracious, Jesus couldn’t be more of a practitioner of paradox!).

I’ll say, I think practicing paradox is one of the hardest of all of these new ways because of how much is always going on at the same time in our own lives, others’ lives, and the world’s at the same time (it reminds me of the Oscar-winning movie title Everything, Everywhere, All at Once).

Right now, it.is.a.lot.all.at.once.

My hope—we all can keep learning how to hold all the paradoxes with grace, authenticity, and wisdom for ourselves, others, our communities, our organizations. To not feel everything, everywhere, all at once but to allow ourselves to have certain things move forward, backward, side to side, up and down, and not hold ourselves to an impossible standard of having to figure the un-figure-able out while also caring for our families, jobs, lives, realities.

We can learn to hold the grief & joy & outrage & tenderness & fear & compassion & love & despair & anger & ugly & beautiful & wonder & disgust & passion & care & desire to check out completely and move to another country & belief & doubt & any or all of the other things that are swirling around in our heads, hearts, bodies, and souls right now.

We have an amazing capacity as humans to do this but it takes practice.

It takes self-compassion.

It takes raw authenticity.

It takes open-heartedness.

And it definitely takes courage.

Some days we’ll scream. Some days we’ll be quiet. All the days, we’ll try to do the best we can with what we’ve got and do what we can to stay healthy and human.

To make it in this new world, we’ll need to learn how to practice paradox and hold horrifying realities like ICE’s brutality at the same time we are celebrating birthdays and weddings and feeling very conflicted about our privilege. We’ll have to expand room in our souls to allow deep and tangly grief to exist at the same time we are sitting at tables laughing with friends, feeling joyful and light. We’ll have to accept hard and sharp things about people we love at the same time we honor soft and easy ones.

There are so many ways to articulate this idea: practicing paradox, the practice of paradox-ing, holding all the &’s, living with dissonance that can’t be resolved, and continuing to expand our capacity to honor the complexities of life in this world.

It’s no easy task, but I keep learning that I can, we can.

To make it in this new world, we need to keep developing our ability to practice paradox and create leaders, organizations, and communities who can, too.

It takes practice, that means we’ll just have to keep…practicing.

With you in all the &’s right now from Colorado,

Last in this series coming next week, whew: Cultivating Courage. It’s been fun and thanks for reading!

ps: The Soul + Practice Podcast: Raw Conversations & Real Practices is back this week from now until May, all about resourcing in these wild times.